The cost of childcare

Dandelion image via pinterest

Being a working mum has its challenges not the least of which is guilt, fear and anxiety. I now work three full days per week and one day from home and I count myself immeasurably lucky to have relatives caring for my bub. However, I still put her name down for the daycare centre attached to my work. I thought it would be easy both financially and emotionally for her to go there. When I put her name down I had no idea when there would be a spot and now eight months later I get the email. The email that gives me less than a week to make up my mind whether I want to send her to daycare. I'm torn, I'm uncomfortable and frankly I just don't know. My theory is that I could come to work for half a day and have an afternoon to myself. I dream that this could result in haircuts, dental appointments and maybe a visit to the gym. In reality I know that I will just keep staying later and later at work until suddenly I am at work four full days per week. And so now I am torn. I love spending time with my daughter and love the two full days I spend with her. I love catching up with my mum friends. I just love it and it makes me feel slightly (okay maybe a minuscule) less guilty about going to work on the other days.
If I send her to daycare what is the cost to me?

First-time Mum - what no-one tells you

I'm new to this game of parenting and I wish that people had told me some key things before I headed down this road. I've decided to list the five that have made the biggest impact to me.


1. When people say your life will change they don't actually say if it is for the better. Yes I love my bub greatly but I mourn my life before her B-day. I mourn for leaving the house with just your keys and some cash. I mourn sleeping until 7am uninterrupted. I mourn quiet dinner times. I mourn a tidy house. But I love the smile on my face when she burrows in for a cuddle. I love her smell. I even love sticky jammy fingers all over my face.


2. You will become obsessed by unusual things: poo, food, eating, toys, baby clothes, oh and your baby.


3. Sleep is a luxury and the poor sleeping continues well past the time that they're one. I had such high hopes. The week I went back to work she slept through every night and now four months later hasn't put together two nights sleeping through.


4. Guilt begins immediately. From the moment she was born and I felt guilty that I didn't have a water birth like I had planned and it has continued every day. And I expect it will continue for eternity.


5. There is no such thing as having it all. I need to work and I'm good at and I enjoy my job (sometimes). However the guilt I feel when I am at work is huge, overwhelming and often too hard to cope with. And then the guilt I feel when I am at home and not working is huge, overwhelming and often too hard to cope with. The 11 months I had off were great and I made friends and I enjoyed my bub. No I feel like the friendships are failing as I am the mum that works the most and I am constantly stressed when I am with the bub as I scramble to get everything done. Like I said you can't have it all.


Oh and I don't get to bake as much as I used to. For shame.